Kembara 3: Hercules, Tunggu Aku Datang!

Kemaskini: Gambar-gambar di Oslo. Selamat menikmati! =)

... Rasa ingin tahu menggelegak di benak otakku. Sepanjang baki hari terakhir aku di Stockholm, aku cuma mencari sebanyak mungkin maklumat tentang sauna gay ini. 

Selesai urusan keluar daripada hostel, aku ke stesen bas untuk meneruskan kembaraku dari ibu negara Sweden ini ke Oslo, Norway.

Negara ini menggunakan mata wang Kroner juga, akan tetapi nilainya sedikit berbeza dengan Kroner Swede. Aku berada di negara ini selama tiga hari. Kali ini situasinya lebih mencabar kerana walau pun ketika itu musim panas, namun cuacanya sangat sejuk lebih-lebih lagi pada waktu malam. 

Aku yang kamikaze tidur di taman ni memang amat merana dengan cuaca yang serendah 5 darjah Celcius pada waktu malam itu. Aku mengambil keputusan untuk tidak tidur di hostel pada ketika ini kerana bajet banyak lari semasa di Stockholm yang sewa hostelnya menjadi sangat mahal disebabkan kebanjiran pelancong ketika perkahwinan Ratu Victoria. 

Langkah Satu

Ketika malam kedua keberadaanku di bumi yang kaya dengan minyak dan gas natural ini, aku memulakan misi pencarianku.

Kutelusur satu persatu lorong, dalam takut-takut, digagahi juga langkah. Sehinggalah aku temui pintu pagar yang tertulis nama HERCULES. 

Ya, itulah nama saunanya. HERCULES.

Kusangka perwira gagah Greek bakal kulawan, atau pun gasar Viking yang harus kutawan, rupa-rupanya saudara kita dari Bosnia membuka perawan.

The rest is history...

Akan Datang: Senyuman Copenhagen

Regards,

ME

p/s: Aku berada di luar sekarang. Tak dapat nak muat naik gambar. Nanti bila balik aku kongsikan gambar di sana ya, terutamanya gambar-gambar di Vigelansparken. Nantikan! 

On My Clients

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Suddenly received few messages this morning,

1) "Hai abang *****, apa khabar? Tekak dah elok?" 

Sender: Unknown.

2) "Salam Encik *****, maaf tadi saya ada kelas. Apa yang saya boleh bantu?"

 Sender: Unknown.

It's fascinating that strangers still remember that I lost my voice the other day (which I still have no idea which day did I approach her).

Okay, I'm about to turn straight now. Help me!


Regards,
ME

p/s: Due to my preference, I am sorry that I need to keep my previous post somewhere. The post could be differently interpreted by you guys as strangers, and those who already knew me.

An Open Letter: To Whom It May Concern

Dear A,

As I'm done writing this, my heart is still itchy - either to tell or not.

As I told you, I saw you twice before the day we started talking to each other beside the escalator. The first one might not be you, but I'm pretty sure about the latter one. That day when my friend and I were seeing you at *** Mall - I said to him, "hey, I think I saw this guy before, look at his misai!" (it left me with some imaginations btw...lol).

Then, he told me that it was you - the guy that he's been talking about to me for quite some time.

-------

On the day we met, I actually was too tired and about to give up the job. It seems like the devil side had taken over the angel side of me. I was wandering around and thinking about quitting and everything. And it happened that suddenly I saw a guy that is similar to the guy that my friend knows - went down from the escalator.

So, since that I also know another 'similar' guy that I used to see and kind of wanting to see him more so I decided to follow. To be honest, nothing on earth that I would dare to think about talking to you, not even in my wildest dream! I just wanted to see and re-confirm the identity - looking from far away and disappearing...

--------

Here are few points:

1) I have to admit that I had the feeling that you are Mr. A when we're in the middle of our conversation. My friend told me how knowledgeable you are, and as we started to expand the topic of the conversation, I completely get his point.

2) When you told me your name, I was dead inside. He used to tell me about the name people normally call you is different than how he calls you and what it means.

3) I should've known where I should stand from that point. But at that particular time, I wasn't sure if  I were at the state of in denial, or because of my fluctuation emotions, that I couldn't make up my mind and berterus terang.

4) When you touched my nipple, I somehow felt objectified. But to get the feeling of acceptance, I cannot afford another rejection if I jual mahal. I just wanted to feel good about myself - esp to get the energy to survive for the whole day.

5) However, once both of your hands grab my shoulders, and kind of shaking them gently, I felt sort of motivation and verification came into my veins. After being rejected from bunch of people from the morning, it's electric to get THIS positive energy. It warmed my heart and I could feel the conviction from your words and how you act. Then I lost my rational again.

6) I respect my friend. He is reliable. I have known him since we're studying in M**. In fact, we used to be roommates. Ever since we've kantoikan each other that we're gay, we have shared so many stories. The appointment that I told you I would have that day, was with him. And one of the first things he told me was when we met was, "I had a date with Mr. A yesterday at a Chinese restaurant..."

To even say that I know you, not from his introduction - would be catastrophic. Lebih-lebih lagi dengan situasi dia, Z dan you sekarang. I feel bad and inappropriate if I were to add another triangle in this already complex circle.

7) Having said that, I totally understand that kesudian you untuk keluar dengan I bukanlah bermakna you nak commit apa-apa. In fact, I was super super lucky to have someone worth your caliber untuk ajak keluar. You don't know how big it means to me. It rejuvenates my self-belief bits by bits and I couldn't thank enough for your sincerity and warmth.

8) Mr. A, it's painful. I hope this pain is merely because of the loss of an inspirational figure, that happened to be you coming at the right time and the right gesture - so that I can find another one, rather than an attachment that's growing in me.  

Thank you Mr. A for being a great human being that touches/changes others' life tremendously, or at least mine. As I told you, I will treasure the moment we shared, from my perspective.

Regards,

ME

Song of the Week: Dance with My Father Again

Bonjour a tous,

Enjoy this song guys! The moment we miss a figure that always lifts us up. Either it's a father, or could be someone else.

Have a restful weekend.


Regards,
ME

#tbt - Pergi Meninggalkan Legasi.

Setelah kematian arwah Zam ketika aku berumur lapan tahun, kehidupan kami sebagai kanak-kanak di kampung masih berjalan seperti biasa setelah beberapa ketika. Keadaan menjadi normal kembali.

Aku memang suka pergi ke rumah arwah. Salah satu sebabnya adalah kerana aku juga sentiasa disambut baik oleh adik kepada arwah, yang aku namakan Fauzi. Selain itu, nenek mereka adalah penjual tempeyek, jadi setiap kali aku menyinggah di rumah mereka, nenek pasti akan menghulurkan sekeping dua tempeyek buat santapan rakusku.

Fauzi hampir langsung tidak menunggu lama untuk 'mengambil alih' tugasan abangnya kepadaku. Dia melakukan perkara yang hampir sama dengan apa yang abangnya lakukan terhadapku sebagai permulaan kepada langkah yang seterusnya. 

Aku percaya keberaniannya untuk memulakan langkah pertama datang daripada satu peristiwa yang pernah berlaku antara kami bertiga. Pada satu petang, aku dan arwah Zamri pernah berlolipop di hutan belakang rumah mereka. Seperti biasa, dia akan melakukan persediaan seperti membawa surat khabar, minyak rambut (digunakan sebagai pelincir lol) sebagai lapik untuk kami melakukan aktiviti tersebut.

Sedang aku menunaikan dutiku, pada mulanya kami terdengar seperti ada pergerakan berhampiran tempat kami bersenggama. Aku menjadi kelam kabut namun ditenangkan oleh arwah. Lantas aku meneruskannya. Dengan tak semena-mena, tiba-tiba kami disergah oleh seseorang. Fauzi! Adik arwah sendiri.

Satu Tanda Aras

12 tahun, Isnin - sebagai mana Isnin-Isnin yang lain, emak akan ke pekan untuk urusan pernigaannya. Aku pada ketika itu yang sudah tidak lagi berada dalam sistem pendidikan vernakular - seawal darjah lima akan tinggal di rumah  kerana keluarga kami berniaga runcit secara kecil-kecilan.

Sekitar jam 12 tengah hari, sebelum dia pergi ke sekolah sesi petangnya, dia menyinggah ke rumahku untuk membeli makanan ringan. Setelah dia dapati tiada orang di dalam rumah itu selain kami, maka dia meminta izin untuk masuk ke dalam bilik. Aku tanpa bersoal jawab, iakan sahaja.

Aku dapat rasakan kelainan daripada segi pendekatannya pada kali ini. Jika sebelum ini aku hanya perlu mengepit pehaku untuk melalukan senjatanya dicelahan keduanya, namun pada kali ini dia meminta aku untuk meniarap.

Derau. Derita. Darah.

Sekali sahaja.


Selamat Jalan

Petang menumpah jingganya. Dalam remang saki mentari yang ditelan bumi sinarannya, tertancap satu tubuh yang senantiasa menang menggoda atma untuk mewarna dakwat malam yang pastinya memotret euphoria. Aku tenung mata itu dari jauh, samar-samar, kejap. Kami kaku. Beku.

Mata kukatup mati.

Saat terbuka kembali, anxiety itu tiada lagi.

Salam berpergian mukadimah cinta...



Regards,
ME

Song(s) of the Week #2 and #3: Father and Mother, Ne Me Quitte Pas

Assalamualaikum wbt peeps,

Last week was a grueling week for me. I had a five days course at Holiday Villa Subang and the schedule was super tight. 7 a.m. till 10 p.m. every single day.

After finishing the course on Friday, had a day off  before catching the bus to balik kampung. Finally! Thus, my theme song would def be about moms and dads right? So here we are. :)

How did I find this song? I was introduced by one of my scandals Moroccan friends about this Kiwis duo. Still dope with Bridges, one of their songs. Check them out guys! Worth listening. 

Basically I could only stay at home for a short stay. I reached home around 4 in the morning and I jumped straight away into kitchen and baked Red Velvet cake. My mom still didn't realize that I was home and only when the prayer call started, she got up and went to the kitchen to find out what's about the lovely (yeke?) smell. The reaction was great and heart warming. It was a moment to treasure indeed. 

We then went to a relation's wedding reception. The last wedding reception I went to was 5 years ago! Crazy right? hahaha. We reached home around maghrib time, and then I had to go to Johor Bahru for another course at KSL Hotel.

Just now reached home around midnight. phewww

Something happened, or I would say it happened to be, that my mom doesn't happy with my decision to change my career path. I don't really tell her actually what I am doing, just throwing some hints and of course she got that. I know exactly that this will happen.

On the way back home from the wedding reception, as she was sitting in front row of the seven-seated car, she started to mumble, "Kalau setakat buat kerja _____, budak darjah enam pun boleh buat. Apa guna belajar sampai ke _____, tapi penyudahnya buat kerja ni. Tahu tak _____ ni haram. and yada yada yada" 

She'd prefer me working with the government, which is the last resort to me. No offence ya, it's just me not comfortable to be in that sector. :D

I just kept my mouth shut ever since till the moment of dismiss. It hit my heart so hard. One of the main reasons I really wanted to come back was - even just for a day, i'd roll out of bed in the morning -, to actually give her a love letter that I dedicatedly wrote to her.

To make the story short, I didn't pass it up to her and it's still here with me.

Therefore, to melayan my broken heart, let's enjoy crying with this next song. I love this song to bits!

Ne me quitte pas (don't leave me). A super sad song. :(

Okay peeps, it's already 2.46 a.m. and have to be at work at 8 a.m. tomorrow.

Talk to you later ya!


Regards,
ME


ps: Rasa bersalah menerjah bila aku tak mampu nak siapkan entri #tbt dan juga kembara tu. Sebenarnya raw materialnya sudah pun ditaip, tapi perlukan amendments dan aku belum punya kesempatan untuk edit. Jadi, aku akan sambung minggu ni lah. Sorry ya pembaca (kalau adalah huhu)

ps2: Jangan risau, pekerjaan aku ni bukanlah haram pun. Cuma sebab mak aku ni super duper konservatif, dan dengan kekangan maklumat yang dia terima, jadi itulah kesimpulan yang dia mampu buat.

On Blowing My Hair

Assalamualaikum wbt all,

Here I am again. A quick update. 

The story started three days ago. I had a hair cut. And the barber is from Acheh and the fact that he is so cute and sado is just an icing on the cake *lick lick lick*.

He asked me what kind of haircut would I love to do. As pathetic as it might sound, I told him that I was looking for his suggestion and would proceed with it. 

After briefing me his idea a little bit, without having a second thought I immediately said yes like every Beyonce-or-Lady-Gaga-fan-gal will do. 

Done! The hairdo went well and I felt pretty the whole night. lol

However, the problem emerged right away the next morning. After applying my wax (oh btw, just done the research how to apply it properly thank God) to my hair, thing went wrong all the way. It did not well-managed because I had no idea whatsoever how to.

I called a friend of mine and asked him how to do with this shit and he told me that I need to blow my hair with hair dryer. Hair dryer what?! One, I have no hair dryer. Two, never have I ever experienced in my life how to use hair dryer! *firstworldproblemright* 

Hence, I came to this five days kursus half-heartedly ewah. Walk of shame! 

And finally got a hair dryer at hotel. And therefore, made a super quick browse through YouTube for the tutorial. Oh holy cow, I would've never thought it would be this hard to use it! I was freaking out of hell if I was 'forced' to use this crap.

I took me almost 15 minutes to fix my hair. Literally. I was sweating like working out. But still the hair was a nay to me. :/

Secara tuntasnya ya ahli dewan yang dimuliakan, kita seharusnya menghargai mereka yang sanggup masuk ke dalam cermin di hadapan mereka berjam-jam, membelek setiap helaian rambut mereka dengan penuh ghairah dan tidak pernah berputus asa untuk meluruskan apa yang ikal, atau sebaliknya. Mereka juga saya dapati akan menggunakan beberapa jenis sikat bagi tujuan itu.  

Hasilnya? Lihatlah rambut mereka yang sungguh gojes itu. Kau pulak bila dating senang-senang je main rambut mereka, tarik rambut kuat-kuat, suruh buat macam-macam posisi yang merosakkan kedudukan rambut mereka. Sungguh tidak berhati perut eh.

A. LOT. OF. EFFORT. GUYS.

Hands down!

Regards,

ME

Update: My new hairstyle. Perkara pertama yang aku akan buat lepas kursus ni adalah potong rambut!
Can not go laa hahaha